Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet Management
Rico Thunder, CEO and Founder
Mr. Thunder is a eight-year Burning Man veteran and a founding board member
of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. He is also a board member of Big Yellow House
and Spoon Enterprises. In other lives, he is a writer, performer, artist, and
mischief maker. After last year, he up and quit his corpo job and devoted himself
to his art fulltime.
Rico is the head of the best family you've ever had. He will push you to your
limits, and then some. And you'll thank him for it. He come in many forms; .
Sometimes he makes severely alcoholic red drinks. Sometimes he is the one giving
you nipple shots. Sometimes he's hurling a couch into the fire. Sometimes he's
fixing the shower so you can be clean mid-week. Sometimes he's asking for your
hand in marriage. He's always covered in playa dust.
Princess, VP of Kissing Princess joins us for her third year at CSTO,
and her fifth year at Burning man. After years of fulfilling a much needed place
as kissing facilitator in a sanctioned yet unofficial capacity, Princess will
be lending both her expertise in kissing facilitation and drinking empowerment
to the CSTO Lounge. Her three step plan involves suggestion, witty needling,
and example to ensure both high quality and high quantity kissing in camp and
on the playa. Princess is also a writer, a compulsive singer, and an expert
at manifesting her will.
RiteAid Annie, VP Human Resources
Ms. Annie joins us this year at our Black Rock City Costco Soulmate Trading
Outlet location. Good with people, inquisitive, and intuitive, Ms. Annie brings
a multitude of talents to CSTO. She can dance flamenco, identify children's
shoe sizes on sight, and tie cherry stems with her tongue. Additionally, she
is a major kiss ass.
Salty T. Seal III, Director of Employee Education and Training
Mr. Seal is a long time Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet customer and former participant of Costco's
exchange student co-op program. He joins us from Vancouver. The one in
Canada. Having been "gleeful beyond measure" with the corporate life and
product quality found at Costco, Mr. Seal chose to launch his career with the
company. When not merrily serving the Costco clientele, Mr. Seal can be found
dancing on floats in small town parades or contemplating "Zen and the art of
Dr. Adrian "Age" Nankivell, Acting VP of Corporate Hospitality
Dr. Nankivell is a two-year Burning Man veteran and is responsible for
Costco drink and entertainment. Dr. Nankivell is one of the world's
foremost creative alcoholic artists, and has long been considered to be
the finest example of the Boozism movement. His works exhibited at BM'99
and BM'00 are believed to be amongst his most effective, notably
the Frozen Berry Daiquiri, the Watermelon Margarita and the
Playa Zombie. Dr. Nankivell divides his time equally between Black Rock
Playa, Concrete Cow City (UK), and the Betty Ford Clinic.
Shakes McFadden, Senior Bartender So named after a terrible bout with
the DTs, Mr. McFadden joins us for his third year as Costco Soulmate Trading
Outlet bartender and umpteenth time on the playa. Serving up gallons of his,
patent-pending, Shakes Red to the wonderful Costco clientele with such grace
and style, its hard to believe he is not gay. This year he hopes to introduce
thirsty playa dwellers to some new refreshing, yet incredibly high in alcohol,
concoctions that he has been cooking up in his leaky basement. Coming from our
Neighbor to the North, Canada, Mr. McFadden likes drinking real beer and the
occasional make-out session with Mr. Thunder.
Abelicious, Senior Barmaid
Ms. Licious comes to us via our Canadian Corporate Overlords, the KBK and will
be celebrating her fourth anniversary with both BM and Costco in 2003. She has
accended through the ranks with surprising speed and ease. Due to a substance
related illness by a fellow Kamp Kanada member, she was flung into corporate
drugery purely by coincidence and decided to stay. She brokered the successful
corporate buyout of Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet and it's subsidiaries by
Kamp Kanada in FY2000. Fiscal year 2001 found abelicious pouring potent potables
for parched punters in the Costco Corporate Hospitality Center. This year, her
position has moved from the KBK Corporate Headquarters to Costco, in favour
of Princess' culinary delights, promotion potential and well, keeping an eye
on Shakes. Ms. Licious is the founder of the Kanadian Kissing Kamp and plans
to bring the spirit of its mission statment to Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet.
Last year she married her BoyToy on the Playa.
Softie Softerson, Corporate Director of Hot Meals and Human Resource Refueling
has steadily moved himself both upward and downward within the Costco corporate
structure in the past year.. His first year was spent over- extending himself,
helping all, never saying no. Year two brought a suprise promotion. As Director
of Corporate Plumbing and Public Relations, he helped to connect Costco to the
events of the day. His well written press releases offered the Burningman community
that bridge back to reality, by developing and launching the 'Costco Public
Relations reality integration system'. The overall goal of this system was to
continue the connection with the evil, unfair, and unsavory real world that
so many burners need on a daily basis. After an intensive session of anti-assistance
training from the Facilities department, Softerson has stepped up ( or down)
to a less taxing role ( depending upon who you ask) as Executive Chef of the
Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet. His years of training with top chefs make this
transition not only logical, but the best move for the management team to make
for 2003. By giving up the witty reparte' that is the Softerson press release
in these tough economic times, Costco has reallocated an important asset to
a department that is essential to the sucess of the corporation.
Hank Chinaski, Senior Grub Consultant and Kitchen Performance Artist
Mr. Chinaski returns as kitchen manager. He comes to us by
way of the Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet, Seattle Location.
Mr. Chinaski will be helping out in the kitchen and however else
he can make himself useful. He is adept at origami, marbling,
3D photography, and driving in reverse. In 1994 he met God, and
found out it is us. He looks good painted blue or green.
Angel Face, Grub Consultant and Kitchen Performance Artist
Angelface is proud to be back for her second year on the playa, and second year
with Costco. She looks forward to utilizing the vast kitchen experience, gained
under the direction of Princess, in Mr. Softerson’s kitchen this year. Angel
is also looking forward to practicing her newly learned poi skills out an the
playa, and hopes they may even let her use real fire some day. In her spare
time, Angelface enjoys being distracted by shiny objects, listening to live
music, swimming nude, and making out with beautiful strangers.
Johnny "Rebel Yell" Hirst, Grub Consultant and Kitchen Performance
Mr. Hirst resume describes him as a wildcard, an unknown,
first-timer, a greenhorn, the x variable, the new guy. He joins
us at Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet for his first year at
Burning Man. As his fame grows slowly in the world of radio,
he hopes someday to have a cup of coffee with Terry Gross, or
just to snog with her on-air. Mr. Hirst is somehwat unclear
on social norms and hopes to learn civilized behavior from the
citizens of Black Rock City. He brings to costco mad cooking
skills and little fear of the Guatemalan insanity pepper.
Grub Consultant and Kitchen Performance Artist
This position is responsible for making some tasty-ass grub
and managing the kitchen for one meal every two to three days.
Both food preparation and some management experience will
ensure that this position doesn't make you a whacked out nut
incapable of providing for even your own needs let alone the
needs of twenty-five starving CSTO employees. But it's fun.
Jefe MacSprocket, VP of Facilities
A crusty and steely eyed Burning Man veteran, Mr. MacSprocket
rejoins Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet this year in search
of the sense of pride and individuality that only a faceless
megalithic corporation can provide. In order to provide
excellent customer service, he plans on blending the caring
nature of the IRS, the efficiency of the DMV, and the subtle
marketing message of Pepsico. He also likes giving out PEZ
and blowing stuff up. As VP of Facilities he is responsible
for making sure that every goddamn last bottle opener and
extension cord gets on the truck going to Black Rock City.
Here's a fact: He fucking rocks. CSTO could not have happened
Director of Pre-Event Facilities
This position is responsible for gathering materials pre-event,
coordinating the master facilities list, and for doing the evil
bidding of the VP of Facilities. They will serve as whipping
boy if the VP of Facilities forgets even so much as a zip
tie or roll of duct tape. It is a pretty huge responsibility
and requires organization and a lot of energy. SF Bay Area
CuteSteve Wells, Director of On-Site Facilities
Joining the CSTO team for his second year, Mr. Wells has been
charged with making Mr. Thunder and Mr. McSprocket's lives
better. Powered by vast amounts of coffee, optimism in the
face of all logic, and existential angst, Mr. Wells' job is
to help make setting up the camp as efficient as possible.
In order to train for this difficult assignment Mr. Wells has
spent an intensive 8 months listening to efficient German
techno. This has caused him to develop a very German "it
must be EFFICIENT" mindset, and to punctuate his sentences by
making sharp chopping motions of his hands. Or he could just
be dancing, we're not sure.
BillNotDave, Director of Corporate Espionage and Counter Intelligence
BillnotDave is responsible for site security, on-site removal of
Evil Hippy Guy, security of the executive staff, and leadship of
the espionage and counter intelligence arm of CSTO. Following
the principle that the best defense is a good offense,
BillnotDave protects the interests of Costco with a strong
front of aggressive conviviality. He is willing to make almost
any sacrifice, be it French kissing, over-eating, or composing
haiku, to ensure that CSTO's corporate interests are maintained.
He believes as Carlyle noted, "a mystic bond of brotherhood
makes all men one." For a man who's job requires him to be
professionally invisible, he is surprisingly photogenic.
Herr Wilhelm Erik Johann von Schleprocken III, Chief Technology Officer
Herr von Schelprocken joins the Costco Soulmate Trading
Outlet for the first time this year as the chief creator of
Computer-driven headaches. Employing a host of "productivity
tools" to cripple productivity, Herr von Schelprocken is full
of the megalomanical fervor and paranoia typical of boys in
geekdom. And just like all those other computer guys you've
come across, if you leave your backdoor open, say for lpr or
rfs, he will port scan you and root kit your ass in seconds,
and next thing you know a top or a ps -ef will be showing you
his picture of the universe while behind your back he's running
a smtp mail relay on port 25 telling your friends and relations
that he can sell them Herbal Viagra on the cheap.
Brenda "Caliente" Lynn, VP Hotness
Ms. Lynn has been with Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet for three years. Her main
duties will consist of tying cherry stems with her tongue, twirling in sparkly
dresses, and crinkling up her nose while saying "what?". Oh yeah, and she's
single-handedly responsible for recruiting, interviewing, hiring, and employee
training. Know this: Brenda is hot. She hopes to be promoted to free-samples-on-toothpicks-lady.
To the grave danger of everyone around her, Ms. Lynn is also a novice fire twirler.
Jezebel Fifu, Chief Officer of MOOP Reduction and Acting Hydration Control
Officer Jezebel Fifu triumphantly returns for Year Five at Burning Man.
As Chief Officer of MOOP Reduction she will see to it that we all keep our beloved
camp clean. As Acting Hydration Control Officer she will keep you wet and juicy.
She is currently reseatrchingways to sneak Gatorade and EmergenCvitamin powder
packs into unsuspecting CSTO employees. She has been honing her soulmate coding
skills all year long by by labelling her groceries with such codes as AF8 -
FH- 00001 and SM10-FH- 77776. She will be bringing a plethora of netting in
every color of the rainbow for CSTO wardrobing or impromtu weddings. In addition,
she is proud to announce the 'Jezebel Beauty Salon' that will open its doors
for the first time ever at Burning Man next to her white camper van, featuring
a multitude of gorgeous nail polish shades for your grooming pleasure.
Boytoy Dykstra, Customer Service Associate
Often confused as Rico Thunder, esp. while wearing his glasses, Boy Toy Dykstra
is a CSTO fanatic. As one of the CSTO Canadian Overlords he has camped with
CSTO EVERY single time he's stayed at BRC. He's been useful in several positions
including: Cust. Associate, Bar Wench, Tent pole, Ladder, (p)MOOP Scooper, and
even the strong arm for firing CEO's. This year he hopes to reprise his role
as everybody's bitch, and will be dispensing Canadian style kisses, and Boy
Toy style hugs. Oh, and he's kinda tall.
Lieneke, Customer Service Associate
Ms. Lieneke (pronounced Lee-nuh-kuh, or Lello for short)
is attending Burning Man, and joining the CSTO team, for
the first time this year. She brings to Costco many skills
and aptitudes include: marine biological research (which,
in all honesty, might not be that useful in Black Rock City),
dancing like no one is watching and ending up in ridiculous
photographs. She can also be relied upon to be 10 minutes late,
provide hugs to all that require them and wear the bare minimum.
She will endeavour to use these skills with imagination to bring
the best possible soulmates to the people of Burning Man.
Samantha, Customer Service Associate
Ms. Samantha hails from the sunny and porn-laden San Fernando
Valley in Southern California. While she has also been referred
to as "hey you" and "come back with that pen," she prefers the
anonymity that one-word names provide. She brings with her
2 prior years of Burning Man experience, ideas on corporate
culture that have been banned by her current superiors, and a
helluvalotta chutzpah. She brings to CSTO a host of talents,
including the ability to bust into awe-inspiring rap on a
moment's notice, getting kicked out of Tupperware parties, and
fondly gazing into the distance at nothing in particular.
Agent Vanilla, Customer Service Associate
Ms. Vanilla comes to us by way of the Royal Candian Mounted
Police where she worked deep undercover in the War on Rugs,
the Afganistani effort to smuggle cheap Persian carpets into
the U.S. via Canada to fund Terrorist cells throughout the
world. She is an excellent marksman, an expert in electronic
surveillence, and a master of disguises. She is joining
Costco Soulmate Trading Outlet for her first time this year
and enjoying her first foray outside of covert operations in
thirty years. She is affiliated with Mr. McFadden in complex
ways, including birth parentage.
G. Gambo, Customer Service Associate and Corporate Big Booty
Due to the early arrival of Little Gambina and a heaping portion of loving insistence
from the insanely awesome Gurl, Mr. Gambo (G.G.O.O.A.A.F.L.G.) is surprised
to be rejoining the CSTO team for a second year. No longer a Burning Man Virgin,
the Big G has been promoted to full-fledged Neophyte and part-time Greenhorn.
As a result, El Gambolonius intends to up his kissing quotient this year by
a significant amount and to cut back on saying, "Oh wow, look at that!" by 37%.
Flexible and spontaneous, the Gambonator always responds quickly to the rallying
cry, "Hey, you gotta come see this!!" And yes, he's bringing a lot of pictures
of Gambina. Gambo's Secret Goal: convince the U.N. to settle all disputes by
playing an enormous game of Samurai Ro Sham Bo. Get ready BRC, it's time for:
Big Booty, Big Booty, Big Booty! Oh yeah!
Leopardhead, Customer Service Associate
Mr. Leopardhead is a 2nd year Burning Man and CSTO professional. He is a writer,
designer and wise ass. His motto is "If I can make just one person laugh." And
he often succeeds at this. He is easily distracted by shiny objects and likes
to touch soft things. He can whirl a mean dervish. Since his last servitude
to CSTO he has been studying tribal spiritual dance. He is a competitive amateur
masseuse...masseur...massage-giving guy. A resident of Hollwood, he is no stranger
to menial labor, sucking up or revering flawed mortals as gods. This year Leopardhead
is pleased to be escorting his official CSTO soul mate match from 2002 to the
PROMiscuity. He's not just an employee he's a client.
Ragin' Cajun Kadgien , Customer Service Associate will be joining
the Costo team from Victoria B.C., the garden city, for the first time this
year. An over excited playa-virgin, Chelsie hopes to use the skills she's obtained
through countless peon-type positions to be the best Costo Customer Service
Associate possible. While most of these skills include blocking out the sound
of screaming customers and appearing busy while not doing much of anything,
she also brings some useful experiences, such as high-volume bartending (in
Scotland), and high-speed veggie chopping. Her background also includes 80 000
000 years of modern dance, a passion for black and white photography, a mean
muppet impression, and an amazing ability to exaggerate everything. She also
does a mean Muppet dance. Chelsie is looking forward to joining the Costo team
this year, and comes in saying: "Please be gentle. Its my first time."
MissHell Customer Service Associate The lovely MissHell, from Brooklyn
NY, will be joining the Costco staff for the first time. She had so much fun
last year hanging out in the bar that she just knew Costco was the camp for
her in 2003. An utter hellraiser at one time, she has decided to repent for
her former life in organized crime by recently taking a vow of poverty as a
social worker. When she is not salvaging what is left from the garden that is
regularly attacked by rats and peed on by alleycats, MissHell enjoys running
amok with a group of local miscreants.
IHOP Fidel, Customer Service Associate
Returning for a second helping
of CSTO hospitality, Fidel has vowed to move beyond his "extra handed" dealings
of the past, for a chance at becoming a Catholic Schoolgirl. As he planned on
coming alone, he will not have an “extra one of those” this year. He is currently
unemployed but is hopefully practicing phrases such as “may I take your order”
and “do you want fries with that”. He brings to Costco his warped personality,
skewed wit, off color remarks, and a cute little black dress.